3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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