does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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