we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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