If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
