just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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