Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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