just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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