I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
