i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
