He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We are all done wearing pants today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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