So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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