peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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