big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
