I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
