Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
