Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
