i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
