bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
