What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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