why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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