No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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