FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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