The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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