is your mom at the bar?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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