So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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