Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
