he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
