He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
