i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
