she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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