I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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