i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
