I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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