Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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