So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
