He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
