I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
