the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
