Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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