Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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