When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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