When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
