Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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