I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
