ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize