On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
