There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
