It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
