theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
