the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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