According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
