Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You were trust falling into bushes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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