...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
