Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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