I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
