Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
