You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
