my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
