I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
