You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
